Leaders who value efficiency over empathy tend to sacrifice investing time in relationships with their team members. The result? Ironically, team efficiency is negatively impacted.
I think of myself as a leader being placed somewhere on a value based spectrum, with efficiency on one end and empathy on the other.
As an individual contributor, I started my career all the way on the efficiency end of the spectrum. I believed that talking to people about their feelings was a waste of time. Turns out, that’s not true at all.
Leaders who value efficiency over empathy tend to sacrifice investing time in relationships with their team members. The result? Ironically, team efficiency is negatively impacted. Why? Because team members who don’t have close relationships with their leader, and one another, are less productive. I recently learned something interesting on the topic of active listening while reading Ron Friedman's Best Place to Work.
Listening doesn't just help you form a bond with someone, it also helps you to become more influential within your organization.
Professors at Columbia University's Business School conducted a study in 2012 to determine the best predictor of your influence at work. They wanted to determine whether it was your speaking abilities or your listening abilities that mattered more.
What they learned was that poor listeners tend to lack workplace influence, no matter how good they were at speaking. It is only when high verbal ability is coupled with strong listening skills that employees received high marks for being influential.
Let me share a conversation I had in which I didn't listen very well. A member of our team approached me for feedback on a solution he had designed. He sent me an email outlining his approach.
On that day, like most days, I was busy. I skimmed his email and quickly jotted down some notes. My goal was to respond quickly, so that I could move on to other things. I had also solved a similar problem before. So, I sent a brief, constructive response in which I highlighted my previous similar experience followed by a few bullet points on what I'd change.
He made the changes I suggested, and we never talked about it again. At the time, I saw no problem with how I handled that.
Upon reflection, I doubt my response made him feel good. I did nothing to convey confidence in him, build his self-esteem, or make him feel supported. And, while I can’t be sure if my response hurt our relationship, I am confident that it didn’t help our relationship. The lesson I was teaching him was: If you want to get something right, ask me and I’ll tell you what to do.
Particularly when it comes to a digital back and forth: it’s easy to assume that the principles of active listening don’t apply.
In reality, active listening matters more for online conversations, where room for misinterpretation is far greater when compared with talking in real life.
Here are five things I could have done to listen better during that email exchange.
Let’s take a look at a couple of examples in online conversations using Joyous.
An example of asking good questions. Joe asked both a specific question and an open ended question. This combination encouraged a much deeper response from Jane.
An example of validation and resisting the urge to respond immediately. By arranging a real life conversation, Joe is allowing Jane an opportunity to talk more about an important subject.